I wish I knew who to give credit to for this but I don't....
Great Land of Alaska
You Might Be an Alaskan if...
- You have ever been asked if you use Canadian/Russian currency.
- You have ever been asked if you live in an igloo.
- Power outages don't seem to bother you.
- You laugh at people who wear coats when the temperature drops to 50°F.
- You refer to Lower-48ers as foreigners.
- You know what a Lower-48er is.
- Spam/pilot bread/tang are part of your regular diet.
- You cannot imagine life without duct tape.
- It takes only a 15-minute drive to "get away from it all".
- The town you live in is "away from it all".
- You don't understand what's so exciting about seeing a moose wandering through the middle of town.
- A snowmachine/ATV is a necessity, not a luxury.
- A snowmachine is something you ride, not something that makes snow.
- Dressing up means putting on your cleanest flannel shirt.
- You need 4-wheel drive all year long - for the snow and ice during the winter, and the potholes during summer.
- Six to eight inches of snow is "a little bit".
- It drives you crazy when people pronounce the "l" in salmon or the "p" inptarmigan.
- It drives you crazy when people don't pronounce both k's in Knik.
- It drives you crazy when people pronounce Valdez "val-dehz" instead of "val-DEEZ".
- Anything above freezing is T-shirt weather.
- Going outside doesn't necessarily involve the outdoors.
- You've ever had to put on long johns, sorrels, snow pants, T-shirt, button-up flannel, light jacket, heavy coat, scarf, face mask, thick hat, and thick gloves just to walk a few blocks to the store.
- You think Lower-48ers are wimps for closing schools, businesses, etc., when it snows six inches.
- The only way to get to the town you live in is by airplane, weather permitting.
- Texas seems awfully small and crowded.
- You've had to expain that you don't live on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (some maps show Alaska as an inset by Hawai'i).
- You need to drive 150 miles to get to a town that is only 50 miles away.
- You think the Rocky Mountains are wimpy.
- You don't even think of the Appalachian Mountains as mountains.
- An SUV is a necessity, not some sort of status symbol.
- You've ever told a Lower-48er that you live in an igloo, wrestle bears, wear animal skins, and eat whale blubber just to see if they believe you.
- ...and they did.
- You don't wash your car anymore, because the dirt is the only thing holding it together.
- You wash your car, and five minutes later it's as dirty as it was before.
- You have ever hit a pothole and totaled your car.
- "There was a moose blocking my driveway" is an acceptable reason for being late for work or school.
- Akutaq is occasionally part of your school lunch.
- You know what akutaq is...
- ...and you know how to make it.
- When you hear Lower-48ers complaining about the harshness of their winters, you know they've got nothing on ours.
- You only recognize two seasons: fishing season and waiting for fishing season.
- Almost everything you'll ever need can be found at a hardware store or a sporting goods store.
- You need an air conditioner when the temperature soars into the 60's.
- Your three-wheeler/four-wheeler/snowmachine gets more use than your car or truck.
- When giving someone directions, you've said "...and turn right when you come to the giant snow pile..."
- You've ever had a snowball fight in the summer.
- You've worn an evening gown/suit to the prom along with rubber break-up boots.
- "The lights are out" isn't referring to a power outage.
- When the lights are out, you go outside and whistle.
- And you understand what this means.
- You've had a check refused in the Lower-48 because they don't accept foreign currency.
- You miss school for a week because the river isn't safe to cross.
- You have never seen the summer star constellations.
- You can tell how cold it is outside by the frost on the inside walls.
- It has been -20°F for two weeks, warms up to 0°F and you call it a warm spell.
- You laugh when the media makes a big deal about a magnitude 4 earthquake in California.
- You would pay $10 for an old head of lettuce.
- You get annoyed with movies/TV shows that have trees around Nome or polar bears in the Panhandle.
- You cheered for Binky.
- When making hotel reservations, you think nothing about asking if the room has its own private indoor plumbing.
- You can't see right to drive unless you are looking through a cracked windshield.
- If the airplane bounces only three times, you consider it a good landing.
- You know the proper way to pronounce "Nunam Iqua" or "Asaacarsaq"...
- ...you know where they are...
- ...and you've been there.
- You drive 65 miles per hour on a winding icy road during whiteout conditions and not even flinch.
- You measure distance in hours, not miles.
- Nobody seems to notice or care if you're at a social event wearing a camouflage hunting shirt, Carhartts, steel-toed boots, and a dirty baseball cap and you haven't shaven all week.
- Your four food groups are fish, moose, Spam, and beer.
- At least half of your friends have hit a moose with their truck at least once.
- Your idea of sexy lingerie is an unbuttoned flannel shirt.
- You don't need a freezer; you just keep your frozen goods on your porch.
- You know at least seven ways to serve moose.
- You have aluminum foil over your bedroom windows.
- You can see the road through the holes in the floor of your pickup truck.
- You leave your car running all night long because you're sure it will be too cold to start it in the morning.
- Everyone automatically assumes you're a Jewel fan.
- You think the Red Green show is a documentary.
- You see nothing odd about barbecuing when the temperature is -20°.
- You get tired of people asking if you eat penguins.
- You've ever used your snowblower on your roof.
- Your brake light is a piece of red cellophane and duct tape.
- Your school has ever served fish head soup for lunch.
- You know ten ways to prepare Spam.
- You listen to one of Jeff Foxworthy's You Might be a Redneck jokes and think "Hey, I've done that."
- While on vacation in Hawai'i, you see a beautiful girl in a bikini and picture her in snowpants and a parka.
- You wear black steel-toes boots with your suit and tie.
- You don't know anybody who doesn't own a snowmachine or 4-wheeler.
- You prefer the smell of mosquito repellant over your wife's perfume.
- All your clothes came from Cabelas, LL Bean, or the Salvation Army.
- You know at least ten words/phrases of Russian, Japanese, and/or any Native Alaskan language (i.e. Yup'ik, Inupiaq, Tlingit, et. al).
- You don't look north to find the north star; you look up.
- Your snowblower gets more use than your lawnmower.
- You think it's normal for a town to have all its businesses on one side of the road.
- You've seen antifreeze freeze.
- You've never taken your truck out of 4-wheel drive.
- You've needed to use your car's sun visor at noon.
- You've ever washed your car in below freezing weather.
- You know if you tell your kids to "be home by dark" you won't see them until Fall.
- You earn over $80,000 per year but still shop at Walmart.
- The only stores in your town that are open on Sunday are the liquor stores.
- You've had to explain more than one item on this list to somebody.
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